I believe my agoraphobia stemmed from the depression and stress of my mum being diagnosed with multiple myeloma a month after I had moved out for the first time for university.

I remember after I graduated and I moved home, I would frequently travel from Nottingham to Birmingham to visit my boyfriend.

By this point it had been 4 years, I had been struggling with my mental health with no medication and no professional help. My brain decided that it had had enough.

17th April 2015, my sister’s birthday. I was supposed to be travelling home from Birmingham for a family meal. The train was booked, my bags were packed.

I couldn’t do it.

My body froze, my mind fogged and I had a huge panic attack. I messaged my sister and told her that I was sick.

The next week was filled with doctors visits for medication to help me get home (which didn’t help) and a long, terrifying message to my parents explaining the truth about what had happened.

A couple of days later and my parents came to collect me.

I. Was. A. Mess.

I got home and became housebound. The town I had known for over 20 years became a place of anxiety and fear.

With a bit of coaxing, I went to the GP who prescribed me some anti-depressants and referred me to a high-intensity therapist for CBT.

With a lot of hard work and support, I was getting there. I was happily working a full time and part time job, as well as volunteering for a youth charity once a week. The anxious feeling was still there, but manageable and I started to venture out more and more.

In October 2017 after a 6 year battle with cancer, my mum passed away and for a month I went and ate at restaurants, navigated through busy places and crowded rooms, completely numb.

A couple of months later, I quit one job and spent the rest of my time crying and being sick at my full-time, high pressure job. Management and colleagues were so understanding, but ultimately I was in no place to continue. It was sad, but it was the best decision I’ve made.

It’s been 11 months living off of dwindling savings and fearing that I will be unable to hold down a job in case I am stuck in the same unmanageable situation. I slowly regressed back into being a homebody, cutting everyone out. I have worked through my grief and am trying hard everyday to take my life back.

Present day, I am pushing myself as much as I can and hope to document my successes and blips. It would be nice to have you along for the journey.

Wish me luck!