Tag: selfhelp

My key tips for Agoraphobia recovery

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So I know I was going to talk about self-care this week, however I am still not happy with the post I’ve written. I made a post last year on the topic, but rest assured that I will get this new one out soon.

As mentioned last week, I was meant to go to Nottingham a couple of weeks ago, but didn’t make it. So yesterday I tried again and I did it! I went on the train, it wasn’t super busy, but busy enough to be a challenge. I went and browsed in a clothes store and I even sat inside and ate sushi. Really exceeded my own expectations and I am so so proud of myself. It’s given me hope that I will slot back in to where I left off soon enough.

It got me thinking though, I’ve really done well in my recovery and I would really like to share the things that I do that have gotten me this far. Obviously as I make clear in all of my posts, I am not a professional and these tips might not necessarily work for you, but I hope they give you an idea of how to take the first steps on your own journey.

Do not rely on safety items/people:
I know when I first started going out that I always used to take a bottle of water with me, I always used to wear dresses that didn’t press on my stomach too. Previous post on this topic here. I do to an extent feel comfortable going out with the same people or on my own, but I’m trying to change this. Basically, having a safety item is confirming to yourself that there is something to be anxious about and by carrying this item you are staving off panic. To take your first steps, this can be really helpful, but continuing to rely on them can hinder you in the long term because you are constantly reaffirming that your beliefs about being outside, or whatever your triggers are, are valid.

Consistency is key:
Exposure therapy is considered the best treatment for Agoraphobia and I would have to agree. I can give you the basics of how to do this, but again I’m not a professional, so what I will do is link you to some articles and resources that will help you to get started. What I will say though is practicing exposure therapy every day or as often as you can is the key to success. The more you face a situation, the better you will feel about it. It’s helpful because you get to understand your body and your limits. For me, I find that now because I know how to handle my anxiety (mostly) and I was in the situation before where I had to do something drastic (19 hour flight), that I can push myself a bit further in some situations. I wouldn’t suggest throwing yourself into the deep end though (flooding) because it doesn’t always work out and can in some cases make your anxiety worse.

Over-preparation
Again going back to the flight situation. I was so nervous that for a year I got every bit of information I could about the airport, which terminals I was going to be arriving in, what they looked like, the layout of the plane. Literally every bit of information that was available, I had. You know what though, I still panicked. Over-preparing isn’t helpful because you are still trying to control every aspect of a situation, when in reality you can’t prepare for every eventuality.
For example, my trip to Nottingham yesterday, I checked train times, I had a quick look on the map where I wanted to go in relation to the train station and that was about it really. Everything in between was just played by ear. A couple of years ago that would have terrified me, but realising that you can’t control everything around you and sometimes things can go wrong e.g. the trains are delayed, it’s busier than you expected, the road you need to walk down is closed etc, and trying to accept that has probably been the biggest help in my recovery. It isn’t an easy step to take and it takes a lot of practice, I will link some resources about accepting uncertainty at the bottom of the page.

Accept how you are feeling
If I am going out somewhere I’ve never been before or if I’m having a bad day, I will usually follow the same pattern. I will be really nervous before I leave the house, then I’ll be fine once I’m travelling and then when I get where I’m going I’ll be really anxious again and then after about 20 minutes I’ll be okay again. I know that’s usually the drill unless it’s somewhere that I really find difficult such as a restaurant. I find that just accepting that this is how I’m feeling and riding it out is better than fighting the anxiety and making it worse. Obviously if it is getting to the point of a panic attack I remove myself from the situation, but just feeling anxious, like maybe up to a 6.5 or 7/10 I try to stay with it. I also think it helps to tell the people you are with how you are feeling too so that you don’t have to hide your anxiety. I used to feel like I had to pretend I was fine so I wasn’t inconveniencing other people, but that made it harder to get out. I now straight out tell people what I’m feeling and it seems to help.
The other thing I think is important to remember is that being nervous is normal, as long as it’s not excessive.

Identify your anxiety
Sometimes in the summer you can get too hot. That can make you think you are panicking, when in reality its 25c and humid, you’re allowed to be hot. You might have an exam and feel nervous, this also isn’t anxiety. Being nervous is a normal human emotion and it can be easy to forget that sometimes. Being nervous doesn’t mean you are going to have a panic attack. Reminding yourself that not every unpleasant feeling means that you are experiencing anxiety.

Medication and therapy isn’t a sign of weakness
I’m not ashamed to say that both medication and therapy have been a great help to get me started on my journey and I don’t think I’d be where I am today without the tools CBT gave me. It’s also perfectly fine if you feel you don’t need either. I would recommend therapy though because it can give you some self-awareness and the toolkit to continue your journey long after your sessions have ended. There are many options, not just CBT, but this is the only one I feel comfortable recommending because it’s the only one I have experienced. Take a look online at what is available online or in your area and see if there is anything that you feel would bit a good fit for you. Medication again is a good option to run alongside therapy. Sometimes the first one you try might not work for you, don’t be discouraged. It’s quite common and there are plenty of different types available. I wouldn’t recommend a certain type because everyone is different. Speak to your GP and look at options. You wouldn’t feel ashamed to get medication for an infection or a cast for a broken leg. If your brain needs that extra support, it should be treated the same way.

Celebrate your goals
What you are fighting is complex and the journey through recovery can be difficult. Whether it’s going somewhere you have never been before, extending your exposure time or opening the front door, it is so so important to celebrate your achievements and it’s more than okay to be proud of yourself!


https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/overcoming-agoraphobia-lovell-1999.pdf
https://jonabram.web.unc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/2968/2012/07/Blakey-Abramowitz-2016-Safety-Behavior-Review.pdf
https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/techniques/exposure/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/exposure-therapy
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Generalised-Anxiety/Generalised-Anxiety—Information-Sheets/Generalised-Anxiety-Information-Sheet—06—Accepting-Uncertainty.pdf
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/dealing-with-uncertainty.htm

Recovery is not linear

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So this week is Mental Health Awareness week. Last year I opened up about my OCD tendencies in this post, but this year I thought I would talk about something that I think will resonate with a lot of you.

Possibly one of the most important things to know if you are coping with a mental illness is that, as the title suggests, that recovery is not linear.

So to use myself as an example:

As many of you know, I am Agoraphobic which means that I struggle in places where I feel trapped. This time around 7 years ago I was housebound after I finished university and with some amazing therapy was able to get myself back out there. Then about 4 years later I struggled, had a bit of a breakdown and ended up quitting my jobs and living off of my savings for a year.

Just before lockdown I was doing really well, I was going and sitting in restaurants with my other half and not having a panic attack and I actually went to a food festival, I was comfortable in a new job. Through lockdown I took on some voluntary work to get me out of the house, but only within my own town really. Now as lockdown is easing, I am struggling a little.

I told myself that I was going to go into the next town over about 10 minutes away on public transport and that went really really well, so last week my next challenge was Nottingham, my closest city. The day I was meant to go I woke up and I felt so sick at the thought of even leaving the house and I didn’t end up going. We are trying again next week though, so hopefully things will go better.

As you can see, I have come a long way from being housebound all those years ago, but it hasn’t by any means been a straight line through to the point I was at before lockdown and honestly I feel like I have taken a step back in recovery.

You know what though, that’s okay.

No one could have predicted that a pandemic or lockdown was on the horizon. My routine has drastically changed, I’ve not been getting out of my comfort zone regularly and I’ve spent most of it not feeling any kind of anxiety at all, just in my little bubble. Now restrictions are easing, it is yet another drastic change being thrust back into society with the pressures of a job and social expectations/events is obviously going to be a bit of a shock.

It’s important to recognise that recovery is not going to happen overnight, it can be frustrating and there are times when it will feel really hard. A big life event might put the brakes on recovery, a little life event might put the brakes on recovery, sometimes you’ll have a good day and a couple of bad days.

There are also a couple of things I would suggest to help you through recovery (again I am not a professional, these are points I have come to realise for myself and I will link some articles at the end for you to do some further research).

  • Make self-care a priority. Self-care isn’t just facemasks and bubble baths. It is about ensuring you are keeping your mental and physical health in check. Reflect on how you are feeling, set boundaries so you don’t take on too much work or enter situations you are not comfortable with, it’s about learning your triggers and how to deal with stressful situations. I will be writing a post about this next week so hopefully that will be of some use to you.
  • Understand that mental health is fluid. No one is doing great all the time, no one is doing terrible all the time. Having days or even long periods where you feel you aren’t at your “peak” is natural. Identifying triggers or stressors can help deal with these situations.
  • You aren’t failing. I felt like this when I didn’t make it to Nottingham, but in reality I’m not failing. I have made massive progress and a little dip isn’t going to change that. I know that it might be a bit of hard work to get to where I’d like to be and I will keep trying until I get there. The fact that I can’t do it right now, means exactly that. I can’t do it RIGHT NOW.
  • Recovery isn’t an end goal. Jade, the Author of the article “Recovery Isn’t Linear: The Importance of Realistic Recovery” put it quite nicely. She said: “Recovery isn’t some big, shiny end goal: it is a journey of constant improvement, growth, and, sometimes, mistakes.”

Remember, we are all dealing with a lot right now. Look after yourself and you’ll get there.

I have linked a few articles and posts from other people on the same topic as well as some relapse prevention resources below:

A year in review

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Today I should be coming home from Japan, but as you may have guessed I didn’t get to go. It made me think of how different things are in comparison to last year. This time in 2019 I was taking a year off from work, living off my savings and even though I felt like I had made some progress, I was still over-planning, I was still unable to get to Birmingham and was a 50/50 chance I would get on the plane for my first holiday abroad.

This year I am working, going out for meals, coming off of medication and before COVID hit, I was actually 100% excited to go back to Tokyo. The change in myself is huge. Before lockdown, I was sitting in Yo! Sushi with my partner eating spicy food after a brief meet up with friends. That is something I could have only dreamed of even four months before.

I have a job which I enjoy and look forward to, it’s only part-time but after two six-day weeks with dining out, babysitting and the gym sprinkled in, I have proven to myself that I am able to take on more. I have attended food festivals, dined out and spent more time in Birmingham. I honestly owe a lot to my holiday last year.

No, I’m not cured. These things do not come easy and some days I still need to mentally prepare myself to walk out the door. I am, however, a lot more confident, a lot happier and I just know I can do whatever I put my mind to. I would say to anyone who is afraid to take the next step, not just in Agoraphobia recovery but in anything. Do it carefully, do it sensibly and you will not regret the decision to just do it. It could change your life.

So what’s next for me?

Well, I am planning more time away and even a solo holiday, but that may be a little further in the future. I’m getting out more, I’m hoping to be more confident around food and I MIGHT even socialise but let’s not get hasty.

5 Little Signs Of Depression

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Now I want to make this very clear. This is not a diagnosis. There are many other things these symptoms could indicate. If you are worried about any changes you have noticed or feel something is not quite right, please speak to a GP.

I want to make a blog post around this topic as depression is often spoken about as sadness and not getting out of bed. If you find yourself struggling in your day to day life, it might be good to speak to a professional.

Aches and pains

While researching for this post, I came across this symptom that I wasn’t aware of.
Muscle aches can be an indicator of psychological distress. While research in this area is limited, there have been some recent studies suggesting a direct link between muscle ache and depression. Click here, here and here for more information. Obviously muscle aches can be the result of a number of different ailments, but keep an eye on any other symptoms that may present.

Can’t make up your mind

Having trouble making the simplest of decisions? It could be fear of making the wrong one, it could be low self-esteem. It could be depression. Depression can cause cognitive impairments such as an effect on decision making and memory. There has been a lot of research looking into this, I feel like I have linked a lot of articles in this blog, so I would really encourage you to go out and do some more research.

You find yourself up at night

You often here tales of people that stay in bed all day with the curtains closed, which can happen. However, insomnia and trouble getting to sleep/staying asleep can be a sign of depression. Bad quality sleep can lead to lack of concentration, irritability and lower cognitive functioning.

Your toilet habits have suddenly changed

Believe it or not, there is a well documented connection between mental health issues and digestive issues. See here, here and here. When it comes to depression, research suggests that constipation and abdominal pain are symptoms to be aware of.
Change in diet, medication, lifestyle change or stress can be factors that contribute to changes in the way your digestive system functions. Again, just keep an eye on it and if it persists, see your GP. Depression or not, it maybe an indicator of other health issues.

You find yourself getting irritated over the little things

Do you find yourself getting angry at the smallest inconvenience? Are you becoming noticeably more irritable? Irritability and anger are commonly overlooked when it comes to depression. There are documented cases of people going years without getting a diagnosis, discussed here. One idea is based on Freud’s theory that depression is anger turned inwards, however other believe that this is a simplistic approach.
There are other conditions that cause people to be quick to anger, however if you find yourself in this position, I would advise speaking with someone. Unresolved maladaptive anger can develop into further issues.

So if you find yourself with any of these symptoms, it may be worth looking into. Depression or not, it might indicate underlying issues, so don’t tell yourself it’s nothing or make an excuse. You might find that a trip to the doctor can make everyday that little easier.

Safe Spaces: Are They Useful?

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Safe spaces; it’s safe to say that this phrase has caused a lot of controversy over the past couple of years, with institutions like Universities offering places for students to be in a space free of conflict and bias while the students are then being branded “special snowflakes.”
As someone who has never needed one of these safe spaces, I will refrain from giving my opinion and leave that to the people who are more invested in the subject.

I want to instead talk about safe spaces in regards to anxiety. This is not a place for a collective to gather, it is a place for an anxious person to feel…well…safe. Most times for an Agoraphobic, this will be at home. A place where they won’t be subject to stressful stimuli or panic attacks.

A safe space where you can sit and take a moment to breathe, a place you aim to get to. For me safe spaces are my home, my sisters, my nans, a car and a toilet. When I was going away, the lounge was safe space, the plane was a safe space and the hotel was a safe space.

These are places I am not constantly thinking about the world around me and super aware of every little thing my body is feeling. It’s a place I can eat, a place where I can enjoy myself.

But the question is, are they truly helpful?

A safe space can help reduce your anxiety, it is a place to recharge and a place to just be you. For a lot of us this space is somewhere we want to be, somewhere we can’t wait to get back to.

And that’s part of the problem.

A couple of posts ago, I spoke about safety behaviours. These are things that we do to trick ourselves into thinking that we are safer, when in reality we aren’t in danger in the first place. Examples are taking medication before you go out or carrying it with you, wearing non-restrictive clothing or going out with a person who you deem as a ‘safe’ person. These are behaviours that are unhelpful and a hindrance rather than a help.

Safe spaces act in a similar way. By viewing your house as a safe space, you are in effect calling all other areas that are not your house (or other places that you have given this label) unsafe. Like a safety behaviour, you are perpetuating the idea that there is danger. In reality this isn’t the case.

I’m not going to lie, I still use these and usually don’t realise I’m doing it. I go out on adventures and tell myself I can do it because chances are there will be a toilet or quiet pub I can sit in for a bit if it gets too much. I am in effect giving myself a safe space everywhere I go. While it has really helped me get out and go further than I thought was possible, in the grand scheme of things it hasn’t helped at all.

A good example of this is when I was travelling to the hotel in Tokyo. I didn’t think there was a toilet for the 2 hour bus journey. I was convinced as soon as the bus pulled off that I needed the loo and spent the first hour with my eyes closed praying that I would make it to the hotel toilets. Then I saw someone get up and use the hidden toilet at the back of the bus and all of a sudden the urge completely disappeared and I was fine.
The knowledge that I had access to the toilet and had an assigned seat next to the window was enough for me to now view the bus as a safe space. Once the perceived danger was removed, I felt completely different.

It’s not good for you and while you might feel like it is helping, I can promise you it isn’t. I can’t say that I have tried to change my thought process, but it is something I am figuring out. It’s the way I have thought for years now, even when I was younger I hated being away from home, even just for dinner at a friends house after school. I guess I was always destined to be a homebody.
It’s a long road, but if I don’t change my thinking, becoming housebound again could be on the horizon. Quite frankly, I’m not about that life.

Aim for the whole world be your safe space, you got this!

More Than Just A Mental Illness

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So I know I have spoken a lot about mental health (that is the theme of the blog after all).
I’d like to think that there’s more to me than just a disorder. So I thought I’d dedicate this post to myself and give you all some facts about me that you never asked for. Enjoy!

1. Were you named after anyone? 
My parents named me after someones dog…thanks guys

2. 3 things that make you happy?
Family, goats and horror films

3. Do you have kids?
Nope, but the more time I spend with my niece, the broodier I get.

4. Choose a superpower
Teleportation for sure! Want to visit a country? Boop. Woke up late for work? Boop. Really fancy Mexican food but you live in the middle of nowhere? Boop.

5. Tea or coffee?
A nice decaf tea, milk, no sugar please 😁

6. How tall are you?
A boring 5’5, average (I think)

7. Would you bungee jump? 
You could not pay me enough!

8. Favourite film?
Genuinely couldn’t pick one, so have my top 3: REC, Lost in Translation and The Room

9. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Probably what they are wearing

10. Favourite game?
Silent Hill 2 (I.D.S.T <3)

11. What is the least favourite thing about yourself?
My nose! It is the size of a small country!

12. Who do you miss the most?
Obvious answer here, my mum. I miss her everyday

13. What is your favourite song at the moment?
Joji – Slow Dancing in the Dark
I’m O B S E S S E D

14. What did you want to be when you grew up?
FBI agent (thank you x files) or a storm chaser. Would still jump at the chance to do either!

15. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
White for sure! I’m super pale and no one really wants me there.

16. Favourite smells?
Freshly baked bread, citrus candles and petrol!

17. Mountain hideaway or beach house?
 Definitely the beach, I love being by the sea

18. Favourite sport to watch?
Rugby Union! Although figure skating looks pretty darn cool

19. Hobbies?
Gaming, painting, watching scary films, going on adventures and writing for you lovely people.

20. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
I have a couple of places I want to visit: Israel, Tanzania, Korea, Singapore, Norway and Canada

21. Favourite Food?
Either donuts (fried with sugar), Japanese french toast, grapes or pato taquito 🤤  

22. Summer or Winter?
Winter, no contest! I have terrible hayfever

23. Hugs or kisses? 
Not a huge fan of either, but if I had to pick, hugs

24. Recommend a book
Autobiography: Girl with 7 names by Lee Hyeon-seo
Creepy: Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk
Mystery: No Time for Goodbyes by Linwood Barclay
Hopefully one of those will take your fancy

25. Any tattoos?
No, but I’ve had a design for about 9 years which I’m too scared to get done

26. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
Indoor pool and sauna 100%

27. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Chernobyl, it was equal parts amazing and sad

28. What scares you the most?  
Silverfish, they’re super fast, have too many legs and quite frankly are devil spawn

29. What do you think is the most important ingredient for a successful relationship?
Honesty

30. What do you hope to achieve by the end of the year?
Be able to do a push-up and get back to earning money and being a financially, emotionally stable dudette.

Bonus! My favourite colour is orange. So now you know.

I feel like I’ve channeled my 2008 Myspace self, posting on the message board.
Feel free to use this and let people know you are more than just your mental health.

5 Easy Ways To Help Someone With A Mental Illness

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I’m sure a lot of people reading this blog have at some point in their life been affected by mental illness. Whether that be yourself or someone you know.

Sometimes it can feel like you don’t know what to say, how to help or what to do. I know that even when I approach someone else going through the same thing, I can find it difficult to know what to say.

That said, you don’t have to be a therapist or a master of advice to help.

I have compiled a list of 5 things I think could help anyone supporting someone having a rough time or opening up to you about their mental illness.

Obviously this is not an exhaustive list and if people are interested I may look at making a guide for email subscribers, let me know!

1. Hold them accountable for their behaviour

Now I’m not saying call them out when they are trying to cope with their situation in a positive way. Not at all.
But…
If you are helping someone it is important to set boundaries and let them know what behaviours are unacceptable or dangerous.
For example, abuse behaviour or language targeted at you should not be tolerated. Having a mental illness does not give you a free pass to treat people poorly. Ensuring that they are accountable for their behaviour protects the well being of both of you.

2. Don’t judge

Now this may sound contradictory to what I have just said. However, there is a big difference between judging someone and holding them accountable for their actions/words.
If your friend, family member, colleague approached you and confides in you about an issue you they having, the last thing they need is “don’t be silly” or “it’s just a crowd of people.” Understand what they are saying and keep an open-mind.

3. Research

There’s never any harm in doing a bit of research.
Mental health issues are often more complex than what the media shows e.g. depression is not sadness and Agoraphobia is not being scared of open spaces.
A bit of research can help both of you create a more supportive and trusting relationship.
A little understanding goes a long way.

4. Listen

This ties in with what I have said before. If someone opens up to you, it doesn’t matter if you have experienced something similar, have a degree in psychology or have your own thoughts about the topic.
Stop.
There’s nothing worse than trying to explain what you are going through to have someone else interject with “faux professional advice” or brushing off what you are saying.
Just listen.
Hear what they have to say, ask any questions you have, just give them space to talk. Everyone’s experience is different and while advice is fine, wait for them to ask.

5. Take care of yourself

This to me is the most important thing.
Helping someone is not easy, it can be difficult and stressful. Make sure you look after yourself mentally and physically and give yourself space if you need to.
Remember, you can’t help someone if you aren’t looking after yourself.

Thank You

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Thank you to Rachel my old therapist, you have no idea how much you have changed my life.

Thank you to my doctor who has been the most supportive understanding.

Thank you to the lovely “try before you fly” ladies at East Midlands Airport who helped me overcome a huge hurdle in time for my holiday.

Thank you to the friends of friends who have liked this blog, nice to meet you.

Thank you to my family that have accepted this change in me with kindness, understanding and patience.

Thank you to my lovely partner for sticking by me every step of the way and never doubting me for a moment. (but not for burping when I start to talk)

Thank you to my friends who have reached out now I’m finally back and those I know still have my back. We should go for coffee.

Thank you to the people I don’t know who support me, I hope I keep it interesting.

Thank you to the people I have met on this journey that are in the same boat. We’ll get there.

Thank you to the people that will discover this blog for the first time, it’s nice to have you.

I appreciate every single one of you.