So I know I was going to talk about self-care this week, however I am still not happy with the post I’ve written. I made a post last year on the topic, but rest assured that I will get this new one out soon.

As mentioned last week, I was meant to go to Nottingham a couple of weeks ago, but didn’t make it. So yesterday I tried again and I did it! I went on the train, it wasn’t super busy, but busy enough to be a challenge. I went and browsed in a clothes store and I even sat inside and ate sushi. Really exceeded my own expectations and I am so so proud of myself. It’s given me hope that I will slot back in to where I left off soon enough.

It got me thinking though, I’ve really done well in my recovery and I would really like to share the things that I do that have gotten me this far. Obviously as I make clear in all of my posts, I am not a professional and these tips might not necessarily work for you, but I hope they give you an idea of how to take the first steps on your own journey.

Do not rely on safety items/people:
I know when I first started going out that I always used to take a bottle of water with me, I always used to wear dresses that didn’t press on my stomach too. Previous post on this topic here. I do to an extent feel comfortable going out with the same people or on my own, but I’m trying to change this. Basically, having a safety item is confirming to yourself that there is something to be anxious about and by carrying this item you are staving off panic. To take your first steps, this can be really helpful, but continuing to rely on them can hinder you in the long term because you are constantly reaffirming that your beliefs about being outside, or whatever your triggers are, are valid.

Consistency is key:
Exposure therapy is considered the best treatment for Agoraphobia and I would have to agree. I can give you the basics of how to do this, but again I’m not a professional, so what I will do is link you to some articles and resources that will help you to get started. What I will say though is practicing exposure therapy every day or as often as you can is the key to success. The more you face a situation, the better you will feel about it. It’s helpful because you get to understand your body and your limits. For me, I find that now because I know how to handle my anxiety (mostly) and I was in the situation before where I had to do something drastic (19 hour flight), that I can push myself a bit further in some situations. I wouldn’t suggest throwing yourself into the deep end though (flooding) because it doesn’t always work out and can in some cases make your anxiety worse.

Over-preparation
Again going back to the flight situation. I was so nervous that for a year I got every bit of information I could about the airport, which terminals I was going to be arriving in, what they looked like, the layout of the plane. Literally every bit of information that was available, I had. You know what though, I still panicked. Over-preparing isn’t helpful because you are still trying to control every aspect of a situation, when in reality you can’t prepare for every eventuality.
For example, my trip to Nottingham yesterday, I checked train times, I had a quick look on the map where I wanted to go in relation to the train station and that was about it really. Everything in between was just played by ear. A couple of years ago that would have terrified me, but realising that you can’t control everything around you and sometimes things can go wrong e.g. the trains are delayed, it’s busier than you expected, the road you need to walk down is closed etc, and trying to accept that has probably been the biggest help in my recovery. It isn’t an easy step to take and it takes a lot of practice, I will link some resources about accepting uncertainty at the bottom of the page.

Accept how you are feeling
If I am going out somewhere I’ve never been before or if I’m having a bad day, I will usually follow the same pattern. I will be really nervous before I leave the house, then I’ll be fine once I’m travelling and then when I get where I’m going I’ll be really anxious again and then after about 20 minutes I’ll be okay again. I know that’s usually the drill unless it’s somewhere that I really find difficult such as a restaurant. I find that just accepting that this is how I’m feeling and riding it out is better than fighting the anxiety and making it worse. Obviously if it is getting to the point of a panic attack I remove myself from the situation, but just feeling anxious, like maybe up to a 6.5 or 7/10 I try to stay with it. I also think it helps to tell the people you are with how you are feeling too so that you don’t have to hide your anxiety. I used to feel like I had to pretend I was fine so I wasn’t inconveniencing other people, but that made it harder to get out. I now straight out tell people what I’m feeling and it seems to help.
The other thing I think is important to remember is that being nervous is normal, as long as it’s not excessive.

Identify your anxiety
Sometimes in the summer you can get too hot. That can make you think you are panicking, when in reality its 25c and humid, you’re allowed to be hot. You might have an exam and feel nervous, this also isn’t anxiety. Being nervous is a normal human emotion and it can be easy to forget that sometimes. Being nervous doesn’t mean you are going to have a panic attack. Reminding yourself that not every unpleasant feeling means that you are experiencing anxiety.

Medication and therapy isn’t a sign of weakness
I’m not ashamed to say that both medication and therapy have been a great help to get me started on my journey and I don’t think I’d be where I am today without the tools CBT gave me. It’s also perfectly fine if you feel you don’t need either. I would recommend therapy though because it can give you some self-awareness and the toolkit to continue your journey long after your sessions have ended. There are many options, not just CBT, but this is the only one I feel comfortable recommending because it’s the only one I have experienced. Take a look online at what is available online or in your area and see if there is anything that you feel would bit a good fit for you. Medication again is a good option to run alongside therapy. Sometimes the first one you try might not work for you, don’t be discouraged. It’s quite common and there are plenty of different types available. I wouldn’t recommend a certain type because everyone is different. Speak to your GP and look at options. You wouldn’t feel ashamed to get medication for an infection or a cast for a broken leg. If your brain needs that extra support, it should be treated the same way.

Celebrate your goals
What you are fighting is complex and the journey through recovery can be difficult. Whether it’s going somewhere you have never been before, extending your exposure time or opening the front door, it is so so important to celebrate your achievements and it’s more than okay to be proud of yourself!

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/overcoming-agoraphobia-lovell-1999.pdf
https://jonabram.web.unc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/2968/2012/07/Blakey-Abramowitz-2016-Safety-Behavior-Review.pdf
https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/techniques/exposure/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/exposure-therapy
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Generalised-Anxiety/Generalised-Anxiety—Information-Sheets/Generalised-Anxiety-Information-Sheet—06—Accepting-Uncertainty.pdf
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/dealing-with-uncertainty.htm