Tag: mental illness

My key tips for Agoraphobia recovery

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So I know I was going to talk about self-care this week, however I am still not happy with the post I’ve written. I made a post last year on the topic, but rest assured that I will get this new one out soon.

As mentioned last week, I was meant to go to Nottingham a couple of weeks ago, but didn’t make it. So yesterday I tried again and I did it! I went on the train, it wasn’t super busy, but busy enough to be a challenge. I went and browsed in a clothes store and I even sat inside and ate sushi. Really exceeded my own expectations and I am so so proud of myself. It’s given me hope that I will slot back in to where I left off soon enough.

It got me thinking though, I’ve really done well in my recovery and I would really like to share the things that I do that have gotten me this far. Obviously as I make clear in all of my posts, I am not a professional and these tips might not necessarily work for you, but I hope they give you an idea of how to take the first steps on your own journey.

Do not rely on safety items/people:
I know when I first started going out that I always used to take a bottle of water with me, I always used to wear dresses that didn’t press on my stomach too. Previous post on this topic here. I do to an extent feel comfortable going out with the same people or on my own, but I’m trying to change this. Basically, having a safety item is confirming to yourself that there is something to be anxious about and by carrying this item you are staving off panic. To take your first steps, this can be really helpful, but continuing to rely on them can hinder you in the long term because you are constantly reaffirming that your beliefs about being outside, or whatever your triggers are, are valid.

Consistency is key:
Exposure therapy is considered the best treatment for Agoraphobia and I would have to agree. I can give you the basics of how to do this, but again I’m not a professional, so what I will do is link you to some articles and resources that will help you to get started. What I will say though is practicing exposure therapy every day or as often as you can is the key to success. The more you face a situation, the better you will feel about it. It’s helpful because you get to understand your body and your limits. For me, I find that now because I know how to handle my anxiety (mostly) and I was in the situation before where I had to do something drastic (19 hour flight), that I can push myself a bit further in some situations. I wouldn’t suggest throwing yourself into the deep end though (flooding) because it doesn’t always work out and can in some cases make your anxiety worse.

Over-preparation
Again going back to the flight situation. I was so nervous that for a year I got every bit of information I could about the airport, which terminals I was going to be arriving in, what they looked like, the layout of the plane. Literally every bit of information that was available, I had. You know what though, I still panicked. Over-preparing isn’t helpful because you are still trying to control every aspect of a situation, when in reality you can’t prepare for every eventuality.
For example, my trip to Nottingham yesterday, I checked train times, I had a quick look on the map where I wanted to go in relation to the train station and that was about it really. Everything in between was just played by ear. A couple of years ago that would have terrified me, but realising that you can’t control everything around you and sometimes things can go wrong e.g. the trains are delayed, it’s busier than you expected, the road you need to walk down is closed etc, and trying to accept that has probably been the biggest help in my recovery. It isn’t an easy step to take and it takes a lot of practice, I will link some resources about accepting uncertainty at the bottom of the page.

Accept how you are feeling
If I am going out somewhere I’ve never been before or if I’m having a bad day, I will usually follow the same pattern. I will be really nervous before I leave the house, then I’ll be fine once I’m travelling and then when I get where I’m going I’ll be really anxious again and then after about 20 minutes I’ll be okay again. I know that’s usually the drill unless it’s somewhere that I really find difficult such as a restaurant. I find that just accepting that this is how I’m feeling and riding it out is better than fighting the anxiety and making it worse. Obviously if it is getting to the point of a panic attack I remove myself from the situation, but just feeling anxious, like maybe up to a 6.5 or 7/10 I try to stay with it. I also think it helps to tell the people you are with how you are feeling too so that you don’t have to hide your anxiety. I used to feel like I had to pretend I was fine so I wasn’t inconveniencing other people, but that made it harder to get out. I now straight out tell people what I’m feeling and it seems to help.
The other thing I think is important to remember is that being nervous is normal, as long as it’s not excessive.

Identify your anxiety
Sometimes in the summer you can get too hot. That can make you think you are panicking, when in reality its 25c and humid, you’re allowed to be hot. You might have an exam and feel nervous, this also isn’t anxiety. Being nervous is a normal human emotion and it can be easy to forget that sometimes. Being nervous doesn’t mean you are going to have a panic attack. Reminding yourself that not every unpleasant feeling means that you are experiencing anxiety.

Medication and therapy isn’t a sign of weakness
I’m not ashamed to say that both medication and therapy have been a great help to get me started on my journey and I don’t think I’d be where I am today without the tools CBT gave me. It’s also perfectly fine if you feel you don’t need either. I would recommend therapy though because it can give you some self-awareness and the toolkit to continue your journey long after your sessions have ended. There are many options, not just CBT, but this is the only one I feel comfortable recommending because it’s the only one I have experienced. Take a look online at what is available online or in your area and see if there is anything that you feel would bit a good fit for you. Medication again is a good option to run alongside therapy. Sometimes the first one you try might not work for you, don’t be discouraged. It’s quite common and there are plenty of different types available. I wouldn’t recommend a certain type because everyone is different. Speak to your GP and look at options. You wouldn’t feel ashamed to get medication for an infection or a cast for a broken leg. If your brain needs that extra support, it should be treated the same way.

Celebrate your goals
What you are fighting is complex and the journey through recovery can be difficult. Whether it’s going somewhere you have never been before, extending your exposure time or opening the front door, it is so so important to celebrate your achievements and it’s more than okay to be proud of yourself!


https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/overcoming-agoraphobia-lovell-1999.pdf
https://jonabram.web.unc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/2968/2012/07/Blakey-Abramowitz-2016-Safety-Behavior-Review.pdf
https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/techniques/exposure/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/exposure-therapy
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Generalised-Anxiety/Generalised-Anxiety—Information-Sheets/Generalised-Anxiety-Information-Sheet—06—Accepting-Uncertainty.pdf
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/dealing-with-uncertainty.htm

Recovery is not linear

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So this week is Mental Health Awareness week. Last year I opened up about my OCD tendencies in this post, but this year I thought I would talk about something that I think will resonate with a lot of you.

Possibly one of the most important things to know if you are coping with a mental illness is that, as the title suggests, that recovery is not linear.

So to use myself as an example:

As many of you know, I am Agoraphobic which means that I struggle in places where I feel trapped. This time around 7 years ago I was housebound after I finished university and with some amazing therapy was able to get myself back out there. Then about 4 years later I struggled, had a bit of a breakdown and ended up quitting my jobs and living off of my savings for a year.

Just before lockdown I was doing really well, I was going and sitting in restaurants with my other half and not having a panic attack and I actually went to a food festival, I was comfortable in a new job. Through lockdown I took on some voluntary work to get me out of the house, but only within my own town really. Now as lockdown is easing, I am struggling a little.

I told myself that I was going to go into the next town over about 10 minutes away on public transport and that went really really well, so last week my next challenge was Nottingham, my closest city. The day I was meant to go I woke up and I felt so sick at the thought of even leaving the house and I didn’t end up going. We are trying again next week though, so hopefully things will go better.

As you can see, I have come a long way from being housebound all those years ago, but it hasn’t by any means been a straight line through to the point I was at before lockdown and honestly I feel like I have taken a step back in recovery.

You know what though, that’s okay.

No one could have predicted that a pandemic or lockdown was on the horizon. My routine has drastically changed, I’ve not been getting out of my comfort zone regularly and I’ve spent most of it not feeling any kind of anxiety at all, just in my little bubble. Now restrictions are easing, it is yet another drastic change being thrust back into society with the pressures of a job and social expectations/events is obviously going to be a bit of a shock.

It’s important to recognise that recovery is not going to happen overnight, it can be frustrating and there are times when it will feel really hard. A big life event might put the brakes on recovery, a little life event might put the brakes on recovery, sometimes you’ll have a good day and a couple of bad days.

There are also a couple of things I would suggest to help you through recovery (again I am not a professional, these are points I have come to realise for myself and I will link some articles at the end for you to do some further research).

  • Make self-care a priority. Self-care isn’t just facemasks and bubble baths. It is about ensuring you are keeping your mental and physical health in check. Reflect on how you are feeling, set boundaries so you don’t take on too much work or enter situations you are not comfortable with, it’s about learning your triggers and how to deal with stressful situations. I will be writing a post about this next week so hopefully that will be of some use to you.
  • Understand that mental health is fluid. No one is doing great all the time, no one is doing terrible all the time. Having days or even long periods where you feel you aren’t at your “peak” is natural. Identifying triggers or stressors can help deal with these situations.
  • You aren’t failing. I felt like this when I didn’t make it to Nottingham, but in reality I’m not failing. I have made massive progress and a little dip isn’t going to change that. I know that it might be a bit of hard work to get to where I’d like to be and I will keep trying until I get there. The fact that I can’t do it right now, means exactly that. I can’t do it RIGHT NOW.
  • Recovery isn’t an end goal. Jade, the Author of the article “Recovery Isn’t Linear: The Importance of Realistic Recovery” put it quite nicely. She said: “Recovery isn’t some big, shiny end goal: it is a journey of constant improvement, growth, and, sometimes, mistakes.”

Remember, we are all dealing with a lot right now. Look after yourself and you’ll get there.

I have linked a few articles and posts from other people on the same topic as well as some relapse prevention resources below:

It’s not my fault I treated you like that, I have depression

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This is something I have been meaning to write about for a while. I feel some people might not agree, but it’s something more people need to understand.

Mental illness is still being stigmatised. Some disorders are misunderstood, others aren’t taken seriously and undermined. Many organisations are yet to put into practice a solid structure and policies to help those with illnesses thrive. We spend so much time raising awareness to others outside the community, we sometimes miss the important issues within.

Some people are using the idea of supporting those with mental illness to their advantage by using it to excuse toxic and abusive behaviours by blaming their diagnoses.

I’m ashamed to admit that before I got help, I was an arsehole and blamed all my anger and toxic behaviour on what I was going through. It wasn’t until I stopped for a minute to evaluate my life, did I realise that I needed to change.

So I’m just going to come out and say it. Mental illness is not a free pass to be cruel or toxic. No matter what your diagnosis, if you are repeatedly negative towards those trying to support you, you need to have a serious look at your actions.

Before I go into what kind of actions I am talking about, I would first like to say that I am not talking about involuntary symptoms. I am explicitly talking about behavioural choices made that negatively impact those around us.

Types of behaviours used to project or misdirect anger/frustration, manipulate people and abuse others are choices.

If you repeatedly say cruel things to others when you are angry or stressed, this isn’t okay.

If you threaten to break up with your partner when you aren’t getting your own way, this isn’t okay.

If someone confronts you about your behaviour and you play the victim, blaming your mental illness and placing guilt tripping them, this isn’t okay.

These behaviours can be changed and must be addressed, because it is not fair to those trying to support you.

If you find yourself constantly hurting people with the things you say or do, it’s important that you reach out for help to tackle this.

If you know you are repeating this pattern of behaviour and someone approaches you about it, don’t immediately call them out for attacking you or bullying. Take some time and reflect on what they have said, is this the case?

In brushing people off and taking no responsibility will ultimately push them away and you’ll find yourself alone.

Where have I been?

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So I haven’t posted in a while, but that will change soon. I have about 35 posts to write and schedule and PLENTY of ideas for future posts and series, so hopefully by the end of the month we’ll be back on it!

I haven’t just been sitting around however, I’ve:

  • Opened two online stores on Spreadshirt, one looking specifically at mental health and the other is for home decor posters to frame. I’ll put my links on the site once I have reworked some of the designs. (I’m hoping to open an online store with home made mental health stuff, but I need to find the time!)
  • Collaborated with a mental health team to give one of my items away as part of a their first anniversary celebration.
  • Been creating cool freebies for a mailing list I will be launching later in the month
  • Had one of my posts was published on a website, which is exciting!
  • Taken the next step to getting back on track and have been looking for jobs. Happy to say I have been offered a little part time position in my hometown which is perfect for me right now. I love my team and couldn’t be happier. I’m already feeling more confident.
  • Found a new love…crochet. I’m picking it up quite quickly, so I will be able to show you some of my little creations soon (hopefully!) I’m such a cool person

I’m working out most days now and choosing healthier food options. I’ve put on a fair bit of weight and am aiming to lose 1.5 stone by the end of the year.

As you might also be able to see, I have given the blog a little update. I fancied changing things up so I hope you like it! I’ll be making little changes here and there before I’m truly happy with it, but please give me some feedback.

Also as of today, I am back on the countdown to my next Tokyo Trip in June. I can’t wait and will definitely be writing a lot more about this.

It’s been a busy time.

Overall I am really doing well right now, this blog has given me purpose and I feel very motivated to continue to grow and learn.

Lots of exciting things ahead, so watch this space!