Tag: healthy

Living with Agoraphobia

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I thought I would post in honour of world mental health day.

I spoke before about what Agoraphobia is in this post, but today, I’m not talking about definitions and symptoms. I am talking about the daily lives of people living with this disorder and the realities of being Agoraphobic.

Everyone’s experience is going to be different. We all have different things that make us uncomfortable and we are all at different stages of recovery.

I think the best way to talk about this is using my own experience, rather than trying to generalise…so here it goes.

When I was first diagnosed, I had a lot of issues about a lot of things. Leaving my town or going on public transport was a big nope. In my mind I was thinking that if I got on a bus and started to panic, then I had two options. I could stay on the bus and have a panic attack, or I could get off the bus and wait half an hour to get on another bus home, alone and freaking out.

What is the best way to tackle this? Just don’t bother trying. Avoid it. At least that’s what you tell yourself, in reality, you are just making it worse.

I remember one time when I was a little better, I went to Nottingham for the day. We’d just had food and I was walking across the square. I just happened to look around me and noticed how many people there were. I instantly went dizzy and hot. I told my partner that I needed to leave. We started walking back to the car and and then it, one of my worse nightmares. I was sick. Right there in broad daylight in front of a crowd of people.

I had to sit down in a side street and pull myself together. I felt if I moved, I would be sick again. I was dizzy, nauseous, panicking and my head was fuzzy. I wanted to get back to the car, but I didn’t think I could make it safely back without being sick, falling over or dying. I was trapped.

It took about 20 minutes, but I finally managed to get up and drag myself back to the car. As soon as I closed the door, the feelings started to instantly subside. 30 seconds ago, my chest felt tight like I was having a heart attack and couldn’t breathe and had all the symptoms of the flu. Then once I was somewhere I felt safe, I felt better.

Even if I stuck with it and stayed, I would feel sick, extremely tired with a headache and walking round like I was in a dream for the rest of the day. It’s not pleasant.

It all might sound like an exaggeration, but I assure you it’s not. These physical symptoms are often the reason people with anxiety or panic disorders do what they can to avoid situations that make them feel uncomfortable.

The symptoms do feel like a heart attack crossed with a fever. Your chest is tight, you are hyperventilating, you are too hot and shaky, you feel sick and faint. Your fingers and toes go numb. Everything is louder and brighter, you can’t focus, you get confused and the only thing clear in your head is that you need to go home.

Even when you are not having a panic attack and you are just anxious, you can feel sick, your mind is fixated on how uncomfortable you feel, your heart is racing. It feels like you are waiting in the wings about to go on stage in front of hundreds of people, only to realise you don’t know your lines. It really doesn’t make for a nice day.

Agoraphobia can make you feel panicked in a room full of your immediate family and closest friends. It can make holidays and social events feel like a nightmare rather than a fun time. When I book in to have my hair done, there is a 50/50 chance I will make it. Other times I’ll be sat in McDonalds bathroom unable to come out.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I am trying to put it in a way that someone who has never experienced it can understand.

I have managed to make my way through most of this with a lot of hard work and therapy. I am stronger and I know myself better now I have fought this.

It’s not just feeling nervous or as easy as just stepping out of the house. It’s something you have to tackle consistently or you slide back down that slippery slope to being housebound again.

In other words, it’s pretty sh*t.

It’s not always like this though. I find comfort in going out and walking in nature. Some of my favourite places are the busiest (London, Brighton and Tokyo). When you achieve something, it honestly feels like you are invincible. It is such an amazing feeling.

I want to raise more awareness about this disorder because it is a lot more complex than people think.

Mental Health vs The Sun

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So you’re sat outside in the sun, hanging out in the park. It’s 33c and you are wearing weather appropriate clothing. The next thing you know your anxiety is through the roof and you have to go home. Sound familiar?

Those of you in the UK will know, it’s a bit warm and it’s set to get warmer.

For many it is a time to get to the beach, hang out at the pub or go on an adventure.

Not for all of us.

Hot weather can be tough for a lot of people and for those with mental and physical illnesses it can feel impossible. I saw a few people in the Twitter community who cancelled their plans or cut plans short due to the heat affecting their mental health.

But why is this?

The Science

On a hot day, our body is fighting hard to keep our body temperature within a normal range. In order to cool down, we tend to sweat more and our capillaries dilate to increase the rate of heat loss.

Good stuff.

However, our heart rate also increases and blood pressure rises.
Studies show that hot weather has been linked to higher levels of irritability and lower concentration and mood.

All this combined with a poor quality of sleep due to humidity and heat, is a bad mixture for those with mental health issues.

My Experience

Tiredness, irritability and high heart rate is an unfortunate combination which can culminate in a panic attack. For me feeling hot with an increased heart rate is a sign that I’m panicking. So when I’m too hot, the physical reaction tells my brain I am panicking, when in reality, I’m not. But the thought that I might be panicking, causes me to panic.
I love the human brain sometimes.
So logical.

Increased irritability also makes me less tolerant of people. In a busy place, instead of being calm and working through it, it’s just so easy to get overwhelmed. Again. Panic.

How to help yourself

You may be tempted to just stay inside and avoid making any plans during the hot weather, but do you really want to miss out on a nice day?

While it will take some perseverance, having fun during a heatwave is possible.

Plan accordingly. If you are out in the sun all day you want water and sun cream. Dehydration increases the risk of heat related illnesses and suncream is always important. Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable, but will also prevent you from overheating. Cotton and linen are good materials as they are light and airy.

Choose your destination. Maybe avoid sitting inside when eating at a restaurant or avoid using the oven when at home. Avoid staying in confined spaces for an extended period of time. Anything that is going to make you feel warmer just be careful. Why not go to the beach, to the park or go swimming?
If you are going to be somewhere where it will be warmer, keep drinking water and maybe splash your face from time to time to stay cool.

Helpful purchase. A small handheld electric fan can be a lifesaver, especially if you find yourself on public transport or a busy place. Make sure you pack some spare batteries!

Working? Again wearing light clothing, ensuring that you have access to a fan and eating cooler foods such as a salad can make a big difference. Take frequent breaks and If you do feel like the heat is affecting your health make sure you let your boss know. Employees have a right to a safe working environment.

Remind yourself that if you are feeling hot, you are not panicking. It’s just hot. Then maybe take some time inside or in the shade to cool down.

These things all sound relatively basic, but taking extra care in the heat can really help you face a hot day.

Last but certainly not least, be kind to yourself.
Being too hot isn’t a pleasant experience for anyone and it can be daunting to make plans in the midst of a heatwave. If you need to head home for a shower or need a couple of minutes in front of a fan, that’s okay. Don’t make yourself ill.

Also as a side note, make sure you check on elderly or vulnerable neighbours and family during the heat to make sure they have the means to stay cool.

Stay safe and look out for each other my dudes and dudettes!

Self Care & Feeling Good: It’s The Little Things

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Before I went on holiday, I ate relatively clean and exercised everyday for an hour. I lost around 7lb and was motivated by the desire to look good in my pictures. My skin routine was consistent and I was moisturised within an inch of my life.

After I came back, the motivation was gone. Slowly working my way through more cake than I care to mention and I’m sure at this point my blood is more Cola than plasma.

Focusing on my health and feeling like I looked good really made me feel alive. I had more energy, more enthusiasm, more confidence and was a lot more motivated.

It’s been about a month and a half since I got home and I just feel in a constant state of what can only be described as “meh”.

I’m losing concentration (it took 10 hours to write my last blog post!) I feel tired all the time and I can’t be arsed to do anything. It’s a miracle I’ve kept up with posting.

While I support the use of medication for depression and anxiety if needed, I also think self-care is a very important factor that helps keep us balanced.

I am on antidepressants and while I wouldn’t say I feel depressed, I do feel a little more flat and tired than before I went away.

Today, I’m going to look at self-care and the secret to feeling good.

What is self-care?

“Self-care is something we do to look after ourselves emotionally, mentally and physically.”

It doesn’t have to be a huge lifestyle overhaul. A small change can go a long way.

Examples

Why do we need self-care?

Self-care is an important part of our lives, that can easily be forgotten. Whether battling a mental issue, spending long hours at work or just not feeling like you have enough time, it is sometimes put to the back of your mind.

Keeping active and doing things you enjoy will release endorphins and activate the reward system in your brain.

Healthy eating, drinking plenty of water and taking your medication helps your body to function properly, giving you energy.

Setting these little goals for yourself and achieving them can give you a huge sense of accomplishment and that can really help in taking bigger steps towards improving your mental health in the future.

I decided to start running before I went away and getting out and doing it, even if I didn’t feel like it showed me that I can motivate myself and push forward. I think it has helped me with persevering with these bigger goals of going out to new places and meeting new people.

Now I’m not saying that it will completely change your life, but it will give you the self-esteem and the knowledge that you can do what you set out to achieve.

In conclusion

Whether it be taking the stairs instead of taking the lift, letting your doctor know that you aren’t doing so well or getting outside in the sun to do some painting. Do something to make you feel good.

You deserve to.