Tag: family

A year in review

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Today I should be coming home from Japan, but as you may have guessed I didn’t get to go. It made me think of how different things are in comparison to last year. This time in 2019 I was taking a year off from work, living off my savings and even though I felt like I had made some progress, I was still over-planning, I was still unable to get to Birmingham and was a 50/50 chance I would get on the plane for my first holiday abroad.

This year I am working, going out for meals, coming off of medication and before COVID hit, I was actually 100% excited to go back to Tokyo. The change in myself is huge. Before lockdown, I was sitting in Yo! Sushi with my partner eating spicy food after a brief meet up with friends. That is something I could have only dreamed of even four months before.

I have a job which I enjoy and look forward to, it’s only part-time but after two six-day weeks with dining out, babysitting and the gym sprinkled in, I have proven to myself that I am able to take on more. I have attended food festivals, dined out and spent more time in Birmingham. I honestly owe a lot to my holiday last year.

No, I’m not cured. These things do not come easy and some days I still need to mentally prepare myself to walk out the door. I am, however, a lot more confident, a lot happier and I just know I can do whatever I put my mind to. I would say to anyone who is afraid to take the next step, not just in Agoraphobia recovery but in anything. Do it carefully, do it sensibly and you will not regret the decision to just do it. It could change your life.

So what’s next for me?

Well, I am planning more time away and even a solo holiday, but that may be a little further in the future. I’m getting out more, I’m hoping to be more confident around food and I MIGHT even socialise but let’s not get hasty.

My Mum

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Two years ago today, we lost a fantastic, brave, clever lady who impacted so many people’s lives.

So often we feel like we can’t talk about our loved ones that have passed away out of fear we will make things feel awkward, or it looking like an attention seeking act. But you know what? Who cares?

Instead of feeling sad, I’ve decided to share more about her life and who she was to me.

So this is Jane.

She loved music with Download festival being her second home. She came with me to my first rock gig and I think she has seen more bands than I have.

Like any high-class woman, she loved a pint or 5 and was not afraid to make a fool of herself. I’m sure many of you have great memories and photos which you should definitely share!

She loved exploring our ancestry and often went on little trips to little towns to find out more. Always trying to talk my ear off about our past, sometimes I wish I’d acted more interested. Don’t think she would have been convinced though. She also loved taking walks around local manor houses and national trust sites. Clumber Park is still one of the places I feel closest to her. I remember the time I was bitten by a squirrel while walking there and neither her nor dad took my rabies worries seriously.

She might have been a funky lady, but she still made sure to embarrass me like a good mum should. Though I’m pretty sure my friends thought she was cooler than me anyway.

We’d spend hours learning useless trivia such as every country and it’s flag, all the elements of the periodic table…all those useful life skills. Didn’t quite manage the capital cities of the world, but I’ll get there one day.

When I used to walk home late at night in Birmingham, she’d get google street-view up so she could walk home with me and if I didn’t text her after a night out, she’d Facebook all my friends to see if I was safe. Let’s be honest though, no student is awake at 9am on a good day, never mind after a heavy night!

She was a great friend and an amazing mum and I know I’m not the only one who misses her everyday.

I hope she would be proud of me and what I’m doing with my life.

There’s so much I could share about her, all the funny memories, all the inside jokes, but I know a lot of you remember her in your own way and I would love to hear your stories and see your photos.

Thank You

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Thank you to Rachel my old therapist, you have no idea how much you have changed my life.

Thank you to my doctor who has been the most supportive understanding.

Thank you to the lovely “try before you fly” ladies at East Midlands Airport who helped me overcome a huge hurdle in time for my holiday.

Thank you to the friends of friends who have liked this blog, nice to meet you.

Thank you to my family that have accepted this change in me with kindness, understanding and patience.

Thank you to my lovely partner for sticking by me every step of the way and never doubting me for a moment. (but not for burping when I start to talk)

Thank you to my friends who have reached out now I’m finally back and those I know still have my back. We should go for coffee.

Thank you to the people I don’t know who support me, I hope I keep it interesting.

Thank you to the people I have met on this journey that are in the same boat. We’ll get there.

Thank you to the people that will discover this blog for the first time, it’s nice to have you.

I appreciate every single one of you.