It’s been 5 years now since my panic attack And while I have definitely improved over the years, I am still definitely not your average girl.

I have been wondering quite a lot recently whether if I continue to step out of my comfort zone, this will all go away.

I can move around my hometown quite easily, although if I need to travel any further or I have to be somewhere, I still get very anxious before leaving the house.

I’m still using unhelpful coping behaviours (wearing loose clothes, carrying water, excessive planning) which I am working on.

Eating out at restaurants is still impossible unless it’s somewhere I’m very familiar with and it’s within a small group.

Socialising is completely out of the window, although I am happy being on my own. I don’t think it’s healthy though.

Thinking about the future, will I have enough time to build a career and travel the world before my baby clock runs out? Or will this be a struggle for years to come?

Who knows?

I think one day I will be able to go and eat food in a large group wearing jeans (I know, I have crazy high aspirations), but will I ever be truly comfortable?

I think one day I will be able to have my dream career, but will I be able to cope with the stress long-term?

I think one day I will look back at this post and smile because everything will be alright

At least I hope so